I think the primary reason I'm not religious is that none
of my airport dreams come true. I always hope to sit next to an
attractive woman and always end up sitting next to a fat man. And I
inevitably end up behind a "sigly". That's a term I just made up for the
asshole who leans his seat all the way back. Short for "significant
leaner". You'll notice I used the pronoun "his" there and I did so on
purpose! It's always a dude. But maybe God is just a great comedian.
If I were God, I'd definitely spend a good portion of my
day dicking around. Like wake up, brush my teeth if I feel like going
out that day, ignore horrific acts of violence, maybe fix some small
shit here and there and then fuck with people. Like not on a large
scale, just tiny shit that really pisses people off. Have it rain on
that obsessive weather checker or get a celebrity's face stuck in
someone's head but give them no recourse as to how to figure out who it
is. Follow them around as they try to get people to help: "Dude he was
in that thing with that chick who's like really tall but you'd still go
for her. How do you not know who I'm talking about?? FUCK!" I'm like 36%
sure famine and war occur because God's not paying attention to that
depressing shit.
I'd never do anything even if I did get to sit next to a
beautiful woman, I don't know why I hope for it. It's purely
aspirational, like buying a treadmill or not committing suicide. In the
back of your mind you think "if I did have a chance where one was
trapped with me I could eventually charm her" and you dream out this
whole wonderful scenario. But A) that's creepy and B) it would never
ever happen for me. I'm kind of the lichen of people. You don't notice
me at first but I'll eventually grow on you. Science joke! But yeah in
actuality, I'd probably just sit there and make these super awkward
half-neck turns just to see if there was any mutual neck-turn interest.
And then I'm the weirdo stretching his neck every five minutes. Oh well.
